Sharing personal news with friends, family, co-workers and others can be stressful and emotional. This often holds true when sharing the news that you are getting divorced. For some people divorce is embarrassing. Others feel divorce is an admission of failure. For some the divorce decision leads them to become fearful of rejection by family or friends.
To alleviate the difficulty, many people develop an informal or formal plan of how and with whom to discuss their divorce. Be cautious as to what information you share. Once information is out it can not be retracted.
Broaching the Subject with Your Inner Circle; friends and family
Deciding the best way to begin discussing your impending divorce with your close friends and family is a very personal decision. Take the time to determine how you will do so. Also take time to determine who should be told and when they should be told. Here are some tips for broaching the subject:
1. Tell the people with whom you are most comfortable first.
2. Share the news when you are ready.
3. Plan ahead what information you will share.
4. Don't feel obligated to share information you do not wish to share.
5. Prepare for both positive and negative reactions and be ready to deal with them.
Who Else Should Be Told About Your Divorce?
There may be additional people who should be told about your impending divorce.
School faculty, staff and administrators: If your children are not yet in high school, it may be advisable to let those who work directly with your children know about your impending divorce. That does not mean you have to tell everyone from the school bus driver to the assistant coach. Limit the dissemination of information to those administrators, faculty and staff members who are directly involved with your child. Do not attempt to get teachers and other school personnel to become your allies. This not only places them in an awkward position, but it has no place in your personal divorce. It is unnecessary and inappropriate to discuss non child related issues with school officials.
If your children are upper middle school or high school age, telling teachers and coaches of the changing home situation is far less important. Generally, telling school personnel can be limited to an as-needed basis.
Employers: Many divorcing people wonder if they should tell their employer about the divorce. Two pivotal areas to consider when deciding whether to inform your employer are 1) your relationship with your employer and 2) your rationale for discussing the information.
If you are unsure how to handle this conversation, perhaps discussing your workplace environment with a trusted co-worker will prove helpful. Should you decide to share the information, discuss it from the employers' standpoint. This might include discussing how your divorce process will or will not affect your employment: time-off or a need for flexibility of hours. Do not imply that your performance or productivity will be affected by the divorce. Regardless of how much you believe your employer values you, they are still in business and must put business needs first. Also consider if it will affect your career if your co-workers believe you are distracted and perhaps off your game. At some point you may need to have a discussion with human resources regarding benefits and other changes. When deciding whether or not to discuss the information with co-workers, be cautious. It may be wise to limit the discussion to co-workers with whom you share a personal relationship and those who as a function of employment need to know.
Sharing personal news is can be uncomfortable. Only share information that you choose to once information is disseminated it can not be retracted. Don't over-share.
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